Blowing the dust off

Gently, otherwise I will be engulfed in a swirling cloud of the stuff.

Why I am finding it so hard to write here at the moment...because getting my thoughts together as per the description seems an almost impossible task. That's not to say that I am a complete mess (no more than usual anyway) but more that I'm having to take everything one small piece at a time otherwise I go into overload.

The longer I go before updating here the more I feel I have to give a synopsis of everything that has happened since 6th December. That is off-putting, so I'm not going to do it. If I'm dealing with things in little bits, then maybe I can blog in the same way.

This week has been one of emotional overload. My Dad was admitted to hospital on Tuesday, although very happy to report he is making good progress. I had Caitlin's progress report from her teacher, which was excellent! Hannah suddenly decided she didn't want to go into pre-school yesterday and broke my heart by crying bitterly when I left. Of course she settled down after I had gone, but it had a more lasting effect on me. My dear friend Amanda has undergone life saving surgery this week; happily all is going well so far but she still has more treatment to endure. It has also been a difficult week for missing mum. Her memorial was put up, last time Dad was in hospital she was here and I went with her every day, and it has really got to me that their house (in many ways my home) is empty at the moment. Hannah got into nursery for September, then threw me for a loop quizzing me about her Kasai scar (see her blog). So good things and bad, and I'm left not feeling down as such, more just emotionally drained.

For some reason (maybe the two fever scares that I already spoke about on her blog) I am feeling a deep and irrational fear for Hannah at the moment. Some of our friends at Liver Families are dealing with critical medical issues at the moment, and I want to appreciate Hannah's health and zest for life and most of all being at home and not in hospital. But I look at pictures of her from a year or two years ago and she looked much healthier than she does now. In the older pictures her cheeks were pink and rosy...now she often looks pale and almost yellowish (although I suspect the latter may be my overwrought imagination). I'm sure she is OK, but at the moment that little knot of fear won't leave my stomach.

The other thing I find hard about blogging is finishing my posts satisfactorily, so I shall finish there for now.