Update on me

I am still here. I am working on a long and cathartic account of everything that has happened in the last three weeks. I’m not too far into it yet, so I don’t think it will be ready for a few weeks. I am very sad and very tired, even though I have mostly had reasonable sleep.

Andy and the girls will travel down to Devon on Saturday for our family holiday. I think I shall probably be staying behind for a few days, and following down on the train. Now that the decision has been made to go ahead with the trip (which was not easy…I felt I had lots of options, none of which I wanted….the option I wanted, for Mum to still be alive, was not available) I am looking forward to it. Life must move on, and Mum would without doubt have wanted us to go. I feel at peace that it is the right decision.

I don’t want to be without the girls and Andy, and I don’t want to miss out on any of the holiday, but I am trying to weigh that up against the clear advantages to my mental state of a few days peace and quiet. My house is a disaster, with only 36 hours to go, and however hard I try I will be unsettled by that while I am away. I won’t be lonely, but I have to get over the fact I will have to watch them drive away without me and miss the girl’s first reactions to the holiday environment.

I am relying heavily on the Lord at this time, as I learned to do when Hannah was a baby, and he has carried me through, as he did then. I have seen many examples of him working in the last few weeks. The details will be witnessed by me, as is my duty, but not right now.

The support I have been given from here at home and my friends further afield, particularly my ‘Liver Family’ has also been a great source of strength and comfort to me. Thanks to anyone who might be reading this who has helped me or anyone in my family in any way.

Life changes forever

Two days after my last post my mum had a stroke while dozing in her chair after tea. She was taken to hospital groggy, but communicating and conscious and was stable overnight. The next morning she deteriorated and we were called up to the hospital. It was obvious from looking at her, and from the doctor’s words, that things were bad, and the CT confirmed it. She had suffered a huge bleed which had affected the whole left side of her brain. She was expected to pass away within a couple of hours, but she just wasn’t ready and fought so hard, that it was actually thirty six hours. She died at around 11:45 pm the next night.

Her funeral was Friday June 9th, and her ashes will be interred this coming Tuesday.

I’m not ready to say much more than the bare facts right now. I am coping. My family is coping. The Lord is giving me comfort. I love her and miss her.

Rest in peace, Mum.